5 Dating Worries That Ruin Your Chances for Happiness (And How to Focus on What Really Matters)
Estimated time it takes to read this article: 6 minutes
Ever get that sinking feeling in your stomach when you are about to on a date?
Maybe you’ve tried looking up some dating advice for women. There’s hundreds of articles about dating floating around on the internet, a wealth of information you can read on the topic.
It makes sense because dating is the first step to having a relationship with someone.
If there’s so much information available, it should make it easier, right?
That never seems to be the case. It can often leave you swirling with more questions than answers.
Let me start by asking, why do you worry about a date? Yes, you! I bet I have a guess. It may seem a bit obvious, but let’s dive into it further.
What We All Have That Hurts Us...
It’s probably same reason why we worry about most things.
We have an expectation. We have an expectation of the way things should go.
We worry that the expectation will not be met.
Look at each date, hell, each event in your life...as a story you are weaving.
This is practice for something to come. Expect nothing, but strive for a good time.
You’re probably saying, “Wow, that sounds really fine and dandy, but I have a list of sh*t that runs through my head!”
I understand, I really do. So, what I go over in this article tries to cover the stuff that can worry us all about dating, from the small to the big things.
#5 Am I being too weird?
This really equates to being yourself. Don’t be something you’re not for impressions sake.
Honestly, this reads to me, “being too much of yourself.” Stop worrying about that.
I read somewhere that on a first date you are dating the ‘representative’ of that person. It shouldn’t have to be that way.
The best thing you can do is to be weird, be you, because I promise it’s really hard to be someone else for long. Revealing things that make us vulnerable causes a reciprocity from the other side to open up as well, building trust.
Quirks are endearing. They make us more human. Someone who can’t appreciate something outside of their “idolized mold” of a perfect partner has overwhelming insecurities of their own.
Of course, there’s a line to draw. You don’t want to spill your entire history out on the first date, but don’t hold back on having a genuine conversation.
Dress for what you feel the bravest in. Get out of your own thoughts. Be on the date, be present, having a great time.
#4 Am I saying something stupid?
This goes somewhat hand in hand with being too weird. The easiest way to relieve yourself from this fear is to not over-analyze. Just be authentic.
As Mark Twain said, “If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.”
This, of course, means flat out lying, but I perceive it another way as well. The less you have to stay in your own head about “how you sound” or “giving off an appearance”, the more of a real connection you begin to generate.
In turn, if they say something stupid, don’t take anything personally. Take it with a mindset of curiosity and explore their opinion. It’ll reveal more about them.
The only stupid thing you can say is yes when you mean no, and no when you mean yes. Don’t go on a second date because you felt guilty.
Trust your gut and go with the flow .
#3 Am I coming off too strong?
Everyone frets over who should text first. If you’re both dying wondering this but too scared, isn’t that the saddest thing of all?
Allow yourself get in touch when you want to, just know you should aim for a general balance of you both reaching out equally.
At worst, if this person isn’t a fit for you, you walk away with knowing what kind of traits you desire and don’t desire. You walk away with more than what you started with.
Again, you have to drop the attachment to the outcome to really be happy even when a date is so-so...
There isn’t a universal right amount of time for each and every person. Your gut feelings and chemistry are very liable to be different for every situation.
#2 How quickly things are moving?
If you’re nervous about spending the weekend at their place or afraid of seeming like your newly found date is the only thing in your life, stop it!
If you BOTH want to hang out (you’re getting signals from them that they want to as well), then go for it. Understand, I said both.
Don’t force it. Trust your gut when someone isn’t taking action to see you or keep up with you.
If it’s meant to unfold into something more, it will. Forcing it will only end in heartbreak and usually only on one side. If there’s true interest on both sides, you’ll know.
#1 Will I find the ‘perfect’ match?
Instead of telling yourself to change what is a natural human desire: to find someone to love, I only ask you to change your mindset about dating.
When on a date, instead of trying to find that “special someone”, make your goal about “simply having a good time.” Make the goal of dating to have fun, not to find a partner for life.
We want so badly for each date with each new person to be ‘it’. To know this person could be our future. We instead should ask if this person will be in our future.
Why does this subtle word make the difference?
Because you should be building a life that someone would move mountains to be a part of.
When you spend less focus on trying to find the perfect partner you’ll have more energy and ability to be with them when they enter your life.
When you find someone that makes you happy, it’s surprising to most that they don’t always fit the ‘mold’ we had in mind.
That isn’t to say you shouldn’t look for someone who meets
Know, though, that simply having someone in your life doesn’t equate to having love.
The best dating advice for women in 3...2...1...
I hope that these have helped you better understand that dating doesn’t have to be stressful as long as you understand your mindset going into it.
If I could leave you with one thought to take away in a sentence, it would be this:
I told you that I had rounded up some of the best content on the internet about dating, so here it is..
What other thoughts do you feel ruin your shot at success on a date? Leave a comment!
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Having witnessed many close friends and family struggle with communication in their own relationships, it made me want to develop a platform for helping people in their love lives.
After taking many courses on relationships and studying numerous coaches, I began to help people in their communication with their partners and identify the root issues going on in their relationships.
If you are wanting to find love for yourself, I’d love to help you no matter what.